Something is different. something has changed within me, i don't know what it is but i feel it. A little confusion would mean uncertainty and that's what i'm feeling now. The Honesty's vague response to you would mean sureness of what's ahead. But i'm not certain. I am still on the state of where i am suppose to be now. Someone who lives and breathes Happiness and creates a world full of questions that could and should suffice my thirst for Clarity.
I have imagined my life to be as supposedly a life without you. A life that never creates doubt for myself. I have never doubted my sort of likeness to you because i really do but the doubt that really suppresses the eagerness of knowing what's inside of me, that's killing me now. It's quite fascinating that for someone to have just gotten from a worse and down hard painful breakup would feel a strong connection to someone that fast. Before i met you, i already set my heart to slow down and dig deep. It is not only to protect my feelings but to protect you as well. But as stupid as a heart can be, my "like" came rushing like train.But the doubts came rushing like a bullet.
I don't know myself sometimes. I hate it when i don't. Could someone give me a pill that could increase my maturity level?, because if there is i would totally buy it. You told me that, "Growing up is different from Growing old". Can i grow up fast? Is there an easy way to have that?. I am still young but not too young to act abruptly. Calculated assessments and total justification should be made in order for me to have a good result. But i can never assure myself that it's gonna go my way. Exploring things really do hurt me sometimes, BIGTIME. But it does works most of the time though.
I dont know. If you're boggled. I am "boggle-ier". I really don't know. I guess i just have to wait for you to come back and decide what's best for you. But for now, i'll just have to sit back and wait for your return. Making a list of my sweet articles of my everyday Insanity agenda. Living a life full of shits and assholes and sweet chocolates and vanillas. You're buddy would still be here for you no matter. Supporting you, cheering you on. Because that's what a good bestfriend, partner, lover, husband or wife should be.
1 comment:
Oh, yeah, it hurts. the echo of those maim is deafening buddy. i mean, things that we wanted to fall on its place but it should be on our way.
Wondering why this world is acting like that. But heck, we don't know what's ahead of us. We are quite scared, however things will be in its place if we wanted them to be.
Am beaten by this.
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